Past quotes

1. “You cannot simultaneously prevent and prepare for war.” – Albert Einstein

2. “My Father had a profound influence on me, he was a lunatic.” – Spike Milligan

3. “I think that the film Clueless was very deep. I think it was deep in the way that it was very light. I think lightness has to come from a very deep place if it’s true lightness.” – Alicia Silverstone

4. “Just remember, if the world didn’t suck, we’d all fall off.” – Author Unknown

5. “New Year’s Day: Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.” – Mark Twain

6. “No one in the world needs a mink coat but a mink.” – Murray Banks

7. “People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.” – Dave Barry

8. “Eagles may soar in the clouds, but weasels never get sucked into jet engines.” – Attributed to both Jason Hutchison and John Benfield

9. “Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job.” – Douglas Adams

10. “Water is the mother of the vine, The nurse and fountain of fecundity, The adorner and refresher of the world.” – Charles Mackay, The Dionysia

11. “I keep my end tables full of needlework and quilting so I don’t have to dust them.” – Author Unknown

12. “The best thing one can do when it’s raining is to let it rain.” – Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

13. “You can’t always write a chord ugly enough to say what you want to say, so sometimes you have to rely on a giraffe filled with whipped cream.” – Frank Zappa

14. “Can anything be stupider than that a man has the right to kill me because he lives on the other side of a river and his ruler has a quarrel with mine, though I have not quarrelled with him?” – Blaise Pascal

15. “You can’t teach people to be lazy – either they have it, or they don’t.” – Dagwood Bumstead

16. “Drugs have taught an entire generation of American kids the metric system.”

17. “I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I’m gonna put pins into all the locations that I’ve travelled to. But first, I’m gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it won’t fall down.” – Mitch Hedberg

18. “He who rejects change is the architect of decay. The only human institution which rejects progress is the cemetery.” – Harold Wilson

19. “And Man created the plastic bag and the tin and aluminum can and the cellophane wrapper and the paper plate, and this was good because Man could then take his automobile and buy all his food in one place and He could save that which was good to eat in the refrigerator and throw away that which had no further use. And soon the earth was covered with plastic bags and aluminum cans and paper plates and disposable bottles and there was nowhere to sit down or walk, and Man shook his head and cried: ‘Look at this Godawful mess.'” – Art Buchwald, 1970

20. “No place is boring, if you’ve had a good night’s sleep and have a pocket full of unexposed film.” – Robert Adams

21. “One photo out of focus is a mistake, ten photos out of focus are an experimentation, one hundred photos out of focus are a style.” – Author Unknown

22. “All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.” – Spike Milligan

23. “Rekindled friendships often burn more brightly.” – Karen Burn

24. “Politicians are like diapers. They both need changing regularly and for the same reason.” – Author Unknown

25. “What is Christmas? It is tenderness for the past, courage for the present, hope for the future. It is a fervent wish that every cup may overflow with blessings rich and eternal, and that every path may lead to peace.” – Agnes M. Pharon

26. “Anyone who says sunshine brings happiness has never danced in the rain.”

27. “I find it hard to say, because when I was there it seemed to be shut.” – Sir Clement Freud, when asked his opinion of New Zealand, 1978

28. “True happiness is an acceptance of life as it is given to us, with its diminishment, mystery, uncontrollability, and all.” – Michael Gellert

29. “What is the good of your stars and trees, your sunrise and the wind if they do not enter into our daily lives?” – E. M. Forster

30. “An ounce of blood is worth more than a pound of friendship.” – Spanish Proverb

31. “The next best thing to winning is losing! At least you’ve been in the race.” – Nellie Hershey Tullis

32. “No woman will ever be truly satisfied, because no man will ever have a chocolate penis that ejaculates money.”

33. “Doesn’t it bother you that you put more logical thought into choosing a car than you do in choosing a god?” – Unknown

34. “A very small degree of hope is sufficient to cause the birth of love.” – Henri B. Stendhal

35. “It’s true that we don’t know what we’ve got until we lose it, but it’s also true that we don’t know what we’ve been missing until it arrives.”

36. “Be not afraid of growing slowly, be afraid only of standing still.” – Chinese proverb